As many of the 90 odd women came and spoke to me after I ended the workshop with them a few days back, I realized I had touched a chord in them. They had been so caught up being Mothers and wives and daughters in law and the many other relationships that defined them, that they hadn’t come face to face with themselves in a long time. Some underlying discontent had tormented most of them from time to time as it does many of us too. While their circumstances may have been different from many of us, this sense of frustration & frenzy or lassitude & boredom is not entirely unique to them. It plagues many of our seemingly full lives too, of both women & men with sparkling careers.
A mother’s job is anyway a full time job, whether or not she does another job. Many years back while being interviewed for my 1st job in advertising I was asked – if you had to chose between staying home since your child was unwell and coming to work, what would you chose? I remember responding, I know you’d like me to say my job will be my 1st priority, but honestly, if given the nature of the relationship, I can’t be committed to my own kid, what kind of commitment do you think I will bring to my work? I could turn this into a feminist thing and complain that no one asks a man such a question at an interview. Of course some responsible fathers could also complain that being a father isn’t a part time vocation either, but that’s not the point here. The point is that we need to have clarity about our priorities.
And each one of us has the right to have our own unique set of priorities. If it gladdens someone’s heart to be a stay at home wife and be the care giver while the partner focuses on being a provider, it is really not anybody else’s business but their own. It is however important that the person devotes some amount of time to understand her own desires and undertake the activities that nourish her soul and being. Because, really, you cannot give what you do not have. Unless there is peace and happiness within, a happy and harmonious family environment cannot be created and sustained.
This is just as true for men. We all need to find our unique balance of doing what we need to for ourselves and for those who depend on us. There is no doubt great joy in being there for our loved ones. Their success is truly our own. But to be true to our own nature is also a responsibility. The sacrifices that we make for the success & well being of our loved ones, though necessary, should not become so over bearing as to cover our internal spark in a manner that dulls our entire existence. We each owe it to ourselves and to life to radiate our innate luminosity and uniqueness, because that’s how we make those around us happy and the world a better place.
Therefore I say to you all what I said to those women- make time for yourself. Without delay, discover(or rediscover) the activities that enhance your inner joy. Dance like crazy or slow, sing loud or hum, paint a canvas or the town, chant a mantra or make a mandala, go for therapy, go for a run, hit the gym, play a round of Golf, cook a snack, bake a cake, feed the hungry, smash some plates or some traditions, talk to friends or to your younger self, watch a movie or read a book,…. just make some time to do the things that nourish your soul. Find your unique personal meditation! Create the space and conditions within for peace to blossom and grow. In time you will find the cascade of peace within envelope not only your own life but also every life that touches yours.
Here, come sit with me for a moment, exhale deeply, now be still, absorb the silence! Love
Wow! Enjoyed reading what has been there in my mind for sometime but have never been able to express! 🙂
Completely agree! If one cant be true to oneself how can one be true anyone else or to the world at large. That is why we are such a conflicted society in that we feel the need to be true to the “image” of what we are “meant” to be as per social norms rather than who we actually are. That frustration is what stunts our growth and prunes our wings! Let’s push open the cage n just fly!
Cheerz n sparklzzz!!
‘Homas’ at my friends house (oh, I so look forward to them) and random coffees juggled between the daily routine have done the trick for me…have always found my children happier the day I find time for myself…completely resonate…
Resonates ….. Be The Change !! And Be Your Genuine Self ….. Aham Brahmasmi.
Kudos Anu.love you
One will learn, as one gets older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path!!!! Don’t change but be the change!!
It is very difficult to be with oneself and knowing the basic person you are. Mostly we are busy in playing different roles all the while and seldom realise the basic person, we are minus those roles. Bereft of these roles, we are happy beings. Once we discover that we rediate happiness all around us.
Very true. Very well written
Annu you really bring focus back on what is essential in life. Great article…as always! Love your positivity!!
Very nice and very simply put. I was asked the same question in my job interview when I joined back after having a baby and that exactly was my reply 🙂 I had lost myself being a wife and a mother .. slowly getting back to my inner self.Articles like these definitely inspire because you can relate to what’s being conveyed.
During meditation if you go to oneness of thought, you will near the goal .
Your message,thoughts & concept is very clear .
Loved every word of this wonderful article , anita
Wonderful article…I enjoyed reading your words and agree…..
The article is…. wonderful, enjoyed reading.
Divinity. Expressed divinely. Sublimely written Annu. Bless you for keeps dearest friend.
Beautiful and to be understood in true sense .
Just read aarticle in woman’s special empower about you and cudnt stop myself to visit your site. Really felt empowered female in me when gone through your journey. It’s me and can build it again floating the thought in me. Thanks for sharing. It can blossom so many lives.